Why do single Black women get such a bad rep when it comes to finding love? The Matchmaking Duo roundup the top complaints from their frustrated clients.
1. I am tired of being labeled “angry” or “hard to deal with”.
It would be nice if others would understand that often we have had to push ourselves so hard in other areas that it takes a conscious effort to learn to switch gears, back down in our personal lives and allow a man to take over the reigns. With a little love, support and understanding we can make the transition from being a woman of power to being that supportive woman a man needs us to be after the work day ends.
2. Being single doesn’t mean there is something wrong with me.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a single Black woman. She should remember that she’s beautiful, intelligent and knows exactly what she wants. She’s just patiently waiting for the right man to come along and enjoying life along the way. He hasn’t shown up yet, and that’s ok.
3. I get the “side eye” for dating outside my race, but Black men have been doing it for decades.
Where does the double standard come from? If we find love within another race either we’re deemed inadequate from a Black man’s perspective or a “sell out.” At Fisher Gilmore Matchmaking, we encourage our clients to keep an open mind. You can’t put a color on integrity, morals, values or character.
4. Despite my education level, if I don’t consider uneducated men I’m too picky.
Ninety-five percent of our Black female clients have actually said that they tried to date men with less education and had no problem with it at all. The challenge almost always came in the months down the line within a relationship where the man revealed that he was uncomfortable with her status compared to his, mostly when out in public. Or they would receive snide remarks out of the blue in an argument with things like, “Oh yes I forgot, you went to Brown University, so you know it all.” What is a girl to do? Take pride in her standards.
5. People automatically assume I must be a single mom.
Our clients’ response to this one: “No! I actually don’t have kids and I may or may not want any.” Not every single Black woman is a single mom. Case closed.
6. There aren’t enough educated, professional and down-to-earth Black men to go around.
The myth remains that there are not enough professional Black men to go around. We probably would not refute the fact that the ratios don’t lie. However there isn’t one specific place to meet these men and when there is, they don’t approach women as much as they used to. In many instances, they are waiting for the women to approach them. And with the way that many Black women were raised, to let a man find them, this poses a huge problem. But that’s a whole other blog post isn’t it?
7. We are often stereotyped as materialistic.
Just because a Black woman likes nice things and buys them for herself, doesn’t mean she is “high-maintenance.” Think of it as she enjoys being a woman and celebrates her femininity. It doesn’t mean she’s expecting a man to buy these things for her. She’s buying it for herself remember so no need to feel obligated.
8. If I don’t have children, you assume that I can’t have them.
Seriously!? Yes, our clients hear this one a lot too. Could it possibly be that the woman has decided to wait and travel the world or become comfortable with her new position at work? She has been waiting to meet her soul mate and is determined to experience education, marriage and kids in the traditional order. That’s her choice!
9. If I profess my faith, I’m automatically a prude.
Men who feel this way have it all wrong. A Black woman who is grounded in faith is actually a great choice because she has a higher being to answer to than her man when it comes to the relationship. Give “faithful” women a chance. They can also be fun, flirty and full of personality if given the opportunity.
