One of the biggest challenges we hear from our clients from their past relationship patterns is having communication issues and misinterpretations when dating. It happens so often that we devoted an entire section of our book, Relationship DUOvers, to this very topic. It’s so easy for us to hear one thing when our man is really saying another. We’ve taken the top 11 occurrences to help you decode what he’s REALLY saying to you. Take notes!
1. “I’m good!” – When a man says he’s good, believe him. It translates to I like things the way they are and I am not looking to add or change anything. He could be very comfortable with who he is and the way he’s done things over the years and he’s not planning on making any adjustments.
2. “I promise” (Only he doesn’t come through) – If he consistently promises to do things, then doesn’t show up or call, put more stock in his actions instead of the excuse. For instance, if you know the two of you made concrete plans to go out or you were to meet him somewhere and he’s nowhere to be found not only at the meeting time but for hours and even days afterwards, you’re just not a priority. And depending on how you’ve responded in the past, he probably knows there are no consequences if he offers a great excuse so it will happen again and again. Put an end to the behavior by not being available next time and letting him know it’s totally not ok.
3.“I have friends” – Yes ladies, there’s no need to ponder this statement any further. This means exactly what he said, he has “female friends” in rotation and most often some romantically. What we’ve learned is, as women we should always err on the side of “there is always someone he can call and someone that is calling him” even if he’s single. Often times we may want to believe that a man we just met is truthful when he says “I’m totally single but have friends.” What that usually means is he has other options and he is either waiting on the “right one” or he is loving his single life.
4. “We are just having a good time” – Take the words for face value “a good time” He doesn’t plan in the near future to convert you to his woman just yet. Yes he is enjoying spending time with you whatever it may be whether it’s going out or being intimate but he is by no means in a rush to transfer this friendship into a relationship. So if you are expecting something more or have made it your goal to convert this into a serious relationship, don’t waste your time.
5. “This is my friend or this is Angela”- If there is no title attached to your introduction, you are exactly who he is introducing you as. Whether it’s This is Angela, Regina, my people, my homegirl, or my FRIEND…..that is who you are to him at that very moment. Please take note of that. He is saying it LOUD AND CLEAR who you are to him and where you stand.
6. “I’m busy”- Translation: “I’m too busy for you.” Unfortunately, he has decided not to put you on the list of important things to make time for. When you think about it, we are all busy in some capacity but we will make time for a phone call, squeeze in a dinner, or a text message from time to time. There are 24 hours in a day and there is no way he is busy all 24! He’s in his car driving and can call you, he is getting dressed for work and can call, and let’s face it, if he’s watching the game, there is always half-time. If Oprah Winfrey with all that she handles can foster her relationship with her good friend Gail for years on end or President Obama can still squeeze in date night with his wife while in charge of the country, surely we can all make time if that’s what we put our minds to do.
7. “I’m not hungry” – Ok ladies we know you believe you can throw down in the kitchen, but if every time you make something he says he’s already eaten, let us tell you in love you might need some new recipes. Call someone you know who is known for their delicious food and get some new dishes under your belt, then surprise him.
8. “It’s OK” – Let’s say you just tried a new hairstyle or bought a new outfit and you’re not even sure yourself if it’s complimentary, our next question to him is usually, “How do you like it?” If he looks at it, looks away and says “It’s ok.” He’s in a rock and a hard place. In that split second, he doesn’t want to lie but knows he’s not thrilled. Instead of getting mad for lack of more details and replying to him with, “It’s OK??!! What do you mean by that?” Why not create a comfortable environment for him to share his real feelings which is what you really want anyway. You can say something like, “Hmmm, What would you change about it if you could?”
9. “Let’s try something different” – If you hear these words, beware. This is Man Language for, “I’m starting to get bored.” Maybe you’ve never tried Thai food or thought hiking would be fun but you know it’s something he would enjoy. Relationships are what you make them and it’s about keeping things new, fresh, and exciting with the same person. If you’ve found yourself in a boring routine and you hear those words, be open when you can to sharing new experiences and creating lasting memories together.
10. “I like chilling at my place.” – This is a subliminal message that I’m only interested in seeing you at night or behind closed doors and not comfortable being out in public for one reason or another. Meanwhile, when you talk to him throughout the week, he’s out and having a great time at sports bars and concerts with his friends. Yes something is definitely wrong with this picture and you need to get to the bottom of it fast. What it could mean is that he is actually actively dating, just not dating you.
What we’ve learned over the years and speaking with a host of men regularly is that their words are usually very direct, loud and clear. Sometimes as women we choose to only see and hear what we want to and put more thought into what he’s saying than we should. What may help is if you actually write down what he says, read it back and ask yourself, does this make sense? Did he really just say what I think he just said? Moreover, when all else fails, his actions will speak louder than his words. Be cognizant of his actions and in these cases, believe his words!
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